This blog, Resurgence 2.0, is subtitled “Theology. Technology. Politics. Whatever”. “Whatever” means sports, actually. So here’s my open letter to Mr. Floyd Mayweather, Jr. with regards to the recent controversy with Manny Pacquaio not giving in to his demand for random blood testing.
* * *
Dear Mr. Floyd Mayweather,
Greetings from here in the Philippines.
The moment I heard about your dad’s accusations last September of Manny Paquiao using Performance Enhancement Drugs (PEDs) or steroids, I laughed because I know he’s missing the main reason behind Manny’s great strength. Then you followed through, and your uncle, the Golden Boy and then the rest of the sports media. You are all making me laugh really hard!
You’re all amazed. You thought it’s not natural to have extra human strength as this. So, as what a typical American will conclude, it must be some type of drug that does this.
Floyd, it’s not the PED, it’s the RICE!
You have to understand this. You see, I grew up in a province north of Manila, Nueva Ecija, considered as the rice capital of the Philippines. I have a first-hand knowledge of this. When I was a kid, I have some classmates who have extra-human strength. They run faster, jump higher. They would always win track and field events, or win huge amount of money bets on street basketball. Our elders would ask, “Anong bigas ba ang kinakain ng batang ‘yan?!” (What kind of rice does that kid eat?!) So you see, there’s different kinds of rice, and there are some types of rice that makes one acquire extra-human abilities. It is well known in our town that the darker the rice is, the better it is to provide strength. Floyd, it’s in the rice.
If only you’ll see the workers we call “kargador” or “pahinante”. These people, at an average height of 5″3′ to 5″5’ can carry 2 to 3 sacks of rice on their backs all at the same time. The meanest can carry 4 sacks! That’s around 150 to 200 kilos — super human strength. What you do not know is that the same rice that they carry gives them super strength!
We also have here in Los Banos, Laguna, in a university south of Manila, a laboratory that invents different kinds of rice breeds. You know what, they keep improving our rice! It makes our people stronger by the day.
So I can’t understand why you keep on accusing Manny Pacquiao of using PED when it’s actually the RICE that makes him strong. Stronger than fighters, including you sir, who are bigger than himself. In fact, it is typical here in the Philippines for smaller guys to beat up bigger guy. Anyone who’s well trained in the farms and eat plenty of our rice can beat up any bigger guys in school.
Instead of pointing to PEDs, I suggest you ask GBP to include in the contract a way to test our rice. Maybe the kind of breeding process our rice undergo is not normal, or against international practices and standards. Because it’s in the rice, sir! It’s in the rice.
Or better yet, start eating rice — FILIPINO RICE, so you and Manny can have a level field if ever you guys will still meet in the ring.
Oh, by the way, aside from FILIPINO RICE, it’s the FILIPINO PRIDE that makes Manny stick to what he believes is right. In my opinion, our pride as a nation is bigger than $40M. Some sports columnists couldn’t believe why Manny would let go of the biggest paycheck for that silly little blood test. You don’t get it — because you’re not a Filipino. For you it’s just all about the money.
I hope this letter reaches you. I know you guys won’t anymore meet come March 13. In any case, I hope you’ll try our RICE for your next fight.
Arnold “The Sinandomeng Eater” Gamboa